farmlife

As I ran in the still half-dusk it felt like my tears froze on my cheeks as Jeremey’s special edition i-pod shuffle running mix compelled further towards the glacier.

Work has been a bit slow. Both me and Bernd the puppeteer seem to be more in need of inspiration and soulfood than diving into a project. I want to swim, climb, ride, surf, go to a concert, go for a walk, run, do yoga, paint, write, cook.. I also want to work on this project but we have decided not to force it too much and ease into it whilst feeding our souls in other ways too. And so I feel it starts happening.. It´s all there.. This chapter is becoming dated as I write it!

I went swimming in the rain and was the only person in the swimming pool the whole time.. these are the pleasures of staying in small towns in Iceland. I practiced my crawl and holding my breath underwater. Crawl is slowly improving but I can still not go too far without air. I am preparing for whatever might happen. Better to be able to stay underwater for a little while and then swim away quickly!

Yesterday the weather was beautiful. After lunch we were on our way back to work when Magdalena arrived unexpectedly. She had ridden over the mountain from the next valley to try to persuade us to come riding. She succeeded and it was the best thing ever. I haven’t been on horseback since I was here over a year ago and I can’t describe how happy it made me feel. There is something so incredibly wonderful about riding, especially in a countryside like this; white mountain tops illuminated by the sun.. autumn colours fading to brown.. waterfalls.. a chill wind. I took my camera along but forgot about it as soon as I mounted my trusty steed, Vinur (Friend). No pictures from that trip I’m afraid.

I have started and restarted writing and rewriting the accounts of my stay in Minneapolis. It is ridiculously hard! I spent over an hour the other night playing the music to Bernd, showing him the (shockingly few) pictures I have and trying to explain everything. It was hard to do it justice, so I guess it is not surprising that trying to write it down makes it feel contrived and insufficient. I have written a page and it still doesn’t begin to describe what happened. I will just have to tell you in person if you really want to know. Otherwise..
I went to Minneapolis and had an incredibly wonderful experience, designed a show which went super well, made friends for life and am sure I will return. And for those who were there and made it happen, THANK YOU!

I was just thinking about how strange and distorted time has become. I don’t believe that there’s less than 3 months since I left London.. 4 months since my grandfather passed away. It feels like so much has happened in this time.. it's more like a year. I was talking with Bernd (the puppeteer) about all the great people I meet but then have to leave again. He travelled for many years and was talking about how you just loose touch with almost everyone in the end, even people you were extremely close to.
Of course I am a bit afraid that I will just keep coming to new places, meet all these amazing people and then disappear and that in the end I will never manage to have a deep connection with anyone and will end up surrounded with lots of people but always be alone. And that my life will be like a series of dreams. It sounds morbid but because I can’t think of living in one place at the moment it is maybe normal have this fear. So I write letters compulsively.. every free moment I have these days, I write. Because I miss all the people I can’t see and so people know I think of them, even if we might be far apart. Because I feel a need to share my thoughts and feelings, so you know.. and to keep a connection.

God, this all sounds so dramatic! It’s not really.. I’m happy, I’m easy, my life is better than ever, I wouldn’t want it any other way! But I am just a little bit afraid.. and I am realising that there are only so many letters and emails I can write in a day if I want to get anything else done. It's a sad truth i'm slowly having to face. So if you don't hear from me in a little while.. it's only because i don't love you any more and never want to see you or hear from you again.

And the moral of that story..